textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
