its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
