bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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