She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
