There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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