i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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