dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
