Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
