well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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