New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
