I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
