How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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