SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We talked him into tasing himself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
