I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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