vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
