New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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