I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
