R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
