BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
