I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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