Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
