He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
