Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
