Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
