I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
