She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
