I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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