i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
