My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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