no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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