38 yer olds are good kisserssss
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
