It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
