my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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