You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
