I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
