i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
