You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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