if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
