well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
