Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
