I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
