so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
