he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you mean i was at the winter classic?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
