no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
