I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
