Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Houston, we have a blender
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I party with great urgency now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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