He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
