How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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