Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
