he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
