So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
