I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
