ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
be right there i have to get my cape
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
