All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
